Decisive

Enough, worry and wonder, what is really happening here? Contemplation, a sharpened hook for indecision, aspiration, an angel in disguise, mental acrobatics dressed in costume, larger than life and shrinking, on stilts standing, a balanced point in wanting, what is best, what is right, what is of service to the most high, thoroughly, thoughtfully, tiredly twisting, turning thoughts in endless consideration, in proclamation, more information is needed…before…choosing, that is one way to avert responsibility, the fear of failure that stops one dead in their tracks, light is shining straight on, these patterns illuminated so blindness no longer can cover over, now the secrets out there is no doubt that can contain the desire for clarity, not clarity given, clarity that is chosen, that comes from stepping off the ferris wheel leading no where, only spinning in circles what’s the appeal to not moving forward? that is a choice, to not decide is a half-way point, a mid-marker that does little to mark or move, a stand still place where no heat happens, the fire of transformation demands decisiveness.

No longer buying

After showering with spiders, she slips into a red gown, given to her by the hands of an empowered woman, a woman who creates her own world, who slays her sword, arrow in hand, the fighter of her own battle. She drops old stories like petals of flowers with false hopes, letting them go, such things were never thoughts of her own, only assumed and taken on in forgetfulness and persuasion: you are not complete, broken, tainted, scarred, more of this, less of that, something outside is needed. A new bag, a new do, a new man. You don’t have answers, you get them through dreams, pendulums swinging front to back, chariots, and maiden of cups, the hanged man and the devil, until death comes, and thankfully, death does come and a resurrection follows. No one is going to save her, and she doesn’t need to be saved. She is her own knight, her own consort, a queen, a fool, upsidedown and balanced, a worshipper of her own insight, a lover of all things, rooted and sprouting, no longer buying into, the idea that she doesn’t have it all. She does. She is everything, anything, all things she wants to be. This world made of her own creation. Nothing else is needed; and now its time to give.

Bride of the water

She dives into the sea, surrounded, by a rhythm that knows itself, and celebrates her in being a bride of the water, the one who wears her own ring, a pearl of longing, developed in darkness, in the deep, almost out of reach, until it emerges, polished. She wears it proudly, honoring the promise, to a goddess in green dancing, to one who wears red poised in her own chaos, a protector of the light, to She cloaked in black walking her into an unknown place where fire towers break and burn in a transformation. Grace arrives in wishing trees seeding, soon to bear fruit, triangles intersect, forming something new, elephants stomp a firm ground, look, up! towards an open sky, spotted with stars that speak of infinity, as eternal as love, that is the place where guidance descends. Listening, I am.

Paper plates

Paper plates don’t break the same way as glass they don’t shatter into pieces and fall apart scattered on wooden floors separated and detached where was I then when it all dropped? Paper plates are thrown away put into compost piles heating up to be transformed churning, turning, mixed together in chaotic fashion that doesn’t make sense and doesn’t have to. Flipped and tossed breaking down in service to the garden of growth arriving at newness regardless a helpmeet. Paper plates can tear in two two halves that are their own yet the same tree of growth they can fold and bend like branches waving and still remain in thunder storms and windy whispers that push them sideways as clouds darken and lightning strikes off in the distance. She is dancing, stomping, howling, clapping her hands together, she doesn’t snap, she curves, gives, twists, and receives swaying in mid air, grounded. Paper plates they can be cut ripped sliced worn down with time still they modify their shape not rigid nor holding on nor kept in cabinets or wrapped in plastic for very long they celebrate a coming together of diversity. I’d rather be blowing out candles making wishes then washing one too many dishes. I am learning this lesson of impermanence the way that sand castles return back to the sea nothing lasts forever locks of love come to change when it is unlocked and heads are shaved it is love that remains the past comes back only to remind me of a new birth a new me what will my intention be? “You are strong even though a very sensitive soul” messages written on paper plates in red ink resonate with truth a knowing that cannot or should not be denied the fragility of what seems stable depths of love given yet hardly received out of that damn story of inadequacy trying to keep me from being free but my effort for change is greater my desire to discover keeps calling my devotion to rise above is never ending my commitment to love is stronger then that thought.

Fish – Matsyasana

Fish pose, evocative by name, brings to my mind fishes of all kinds, and the fishermen with poles in hand and lines casted out. I am reminded of summer time; times by the ocean in Maine where I would watch people sitting on the jetty rocks for hours waiting for what might bite the bait. When I come into fish pose I think about that as a metaphor in my life: what temptations am I following that may actually pull me away from my home? What bait am I biting? The fish that chase those silvery and shining hooks aren’t foolish. They are following what they think will serve them well, what will provide them nourishment of some kind, or at least satisfy a desire. The same is true for me: sometimes I follow things out of desire that I believe will support me and in those moments, just like the fish, discernment would be a very useful skill to apply. The second cakra, Svadhisthana, is governed by the element of water. There, a alligator fish resides named Makara, who is endlessly hungry for more. More of anything and everything. It is here where imagination and fear live, and where desire breeds. When I apply awareness to desire I can see that some point me towards the highest, and others push me upstream, making my life more of a challenge that it has to be. It isn’t desire in itself that is a negative thing; it is more the quality of my desires and what they bring out in me. What happens when I follow my desires? Do they bring out Makara, more craving, insatiability, and dissatisfaction? Or do they lift me up towards my heart with aspiration, intention, and hope? And how do these relate to my imagination, to my fears? Fishes are at home in water; whether they live in ponds, streams, lakes, or oceans. They navigate through subtle sensing and by flowing with currents. They cannot be forced to flow; it happens rather naturally and with ease. I find that it serves me well to cooperate and relax into the own current of my life rather than putting up resistance. Sometimes, I very well and stubbornly act upon my self-will and ignore Her messages; eventually, though, I tire and wish again to be carried downstream. At other times fish are kept in tanks. There are always some type of limitations in life. I find myself drawn to look into the idea of freedom within limitation and what happens to the freedom when limitations arise. Where do I focus my energy, on what is limiting and constraining me, or on how to work within the limitation and cultivate my mobility? I find through this exploration that familiarity can be a limitation; that feeling of comfort, of “normalcy”. Sometimes, I can get used to living in a tank, or perhaps I don’t know of too much else; I take that as my true home. How else would I know what is possible? It is through glimpses of something greater that I begin to understand the tank is not all there is. With some limitations, I can release them; others I need to find my harmony with them. In deep waters there is so much that I cannot see. It has me wonder how much of my choices are made from these unconscious, under water places that I am unaware of. How I can bring these to the surface? They may be my unconscious beliefs and narratives, stories I have about myself, others, and the world, all having an effect and shaping my life. Why wouldn’t I want to know such things; to know will give me the opportunity to access if they are a help or a hindrance. Warm-ups It is important to warm up the neck and shoulders for fish pose. You can work with neck rolls, either full circles or half moons and shoulder rolls. Alexander shoulder stretch can also help to prepare the shoulders. Standing or kneeling hare pose can open the shoulders as well as prepare the chest for the expansion in fish pose. Cobra pose is another way to open the chest and heart as a preliminary for fish. I also find Cobra helpful as a way to continue to warm the spine, following cat stretches or bridge. Cool-downs After fish pose it is good to again release the neck by looking to the left and to the right. Bringing the knees towards the chest and rocking side to side is supportive to the low back. Supine side twist flows well after coming out of the posture and offers the spine a different movement. Shoulderstand, if it is well within your practice, can offer the opposite movement of the neck and act as a counterbalance. Alignment Keep the legs together and see that the spine is straight. Keep the elbows underneath the shoulders and close towards the body unless lifting with namaste hands at the heart. Entering/Exiting There are a few different ways to come into fish pose; if you have another way of entering that your practice feel free to do that. Come to lye on the back. Place the hands face down underneath the low back and draw the fingers towards the toes; tucking the elbows close together and elongating the arms. Press the elbows into the floor and lift the chest towards the sky, then, slowly lower the head onto the ground below you. Keep most of the body weight on the elbows to protect the neck. Continue to lift the chest upwards. Keep the eyes open and see what it is like to look backwards. To come out of the pose, press actively into the elbows, lift the head and tuck the chin towards the chest. Slowly lower the back body onto the floor and release the arms by the sides. Practices What in you is hooked that wants to be free? Where is there freedom in you already?